Through the years, ever since leaving school, to be honest, I’ve struggled with my weight. After those school years, the next few on gained significant weight as adult life hit and comfort living with a girlfriend then wife became the norm.

I was just simply in that “I don’t care” bubble but that proceeded me not really noticing or doing much, there was a brief moment 15 years ago when I wanted to change but that lasted maybe a month. Then about 10 years ago I made a more serious attempt, this allowed me to lose about a stone and half, which was great at the time, as I used things like the Atkins diet and other healthy based ideas, but having children blew that out of the water as I fell into the lazy side again.

Then about 5 years ago I decided to really try and focus again, what was annoying at this point is that I had already sacrificed a lot of food and changed generally how I was eating and how much, but hey I was to be put down. So I tried yoghurts, salads and largely meat-based dinner with really limiting naughty foods and takeaways, including sugar stuff and sugar itself, I had already cut out salt chocolate etc..so this wasn’t a massive stretch, this pushed me to lose a quarter of my body weight, and with the addition of healthy protein-based shake along with the GYM, I was doing fine.

But a couple of years ago I saw my weight start to creep up, I cut out dairy due to my health, and reduce my yeast intake, which again changed my food routine yet again. But in the grand schemes of things I had lost so much weight I was ok bout slight changes in my food, along with having the odd cheat meal.

However over the last couple of years that weight gets worse, and now I’ve gained half of the weight I lost back on, my body shape hasn’t caught up luckily as most of my clothes still fit…just…but I certainly notice them go from loose to tight. Now you would think I’m just eating bad food and loads of it, but I’m really not, and in the last year I have no clue how I’ve gained weight, one theory was the change of milk with the use of Soy, Almond and Oat which are fatty Kinds of milk, so now I’ve gone to Soy Light in an effort.

On average I have 1 or 2 cheat meals a week, which I can’t understand how this gain my weight, I literally eat healthy all week nothing happens, then have one dodgy meal and I put weight on!!! it’s so disheartening and upsetting.

Over the course of the week now I really don’t eat much, I have gone back to Yoghurts and granola as this provided me with the most success in the morning, and I’ve massively reduced Carbs, only the Granola and the odd biscuit here and there in the week gains me it.

I generally drink water, squash and Coffee, and have cut out Chips, Mash, even sweet potatoes in an effort to limit the carbs and food with my meat, I still go to the GYM a couple of times a week around looking after kids and working. I really can’t stress how little I eat in a week compared to most people, I don’t know if it’s my metabolising or certain foods not agreeing with me or what, I’m literally at the end of my rope.

I’m now caught in the middle of why bother, and what else can I do, I’m nearly 40 and don’t get me wrong I’m not in my worse shape, but still gaining weight that I lost just 2 years ago is hugely depressing. I sit and look at what people have, on TV, Films, Social media and wonder why ‘how can I not do that” I feat that I have a biscuit and ill put on weight.

My energy is less because I’ve eaten less, which causes problems, and I do wonder if I’m starving myself, but I’m at the point now where I don’t want to eat….I was so pleased when I was at my lowest, it was lower than I had ever been in my adult life, and I was so close to seeing an unbelievable number (for me) on the scales, but now that seems a lifetime away.

The future?

Going forward I’m at a loss, It’s been Xmas, the worst time of year for food, we are always low on money and watching the pennies so I have to be careful what to buy. There are several fruit and Veg that I hate and can’t eat, which yet adds to my eating problems, but I need to work out what I’m going to do, I pencilled in January 1st, like everyone else, why not.

But I need to decide what I’m eating when, my only worry is even if I lose some weight, it will come back on or I just simply won’t be eating hardly at all, which in life feels unfair? It’s extremely upsetting but I just have to get on with it, its a new year, new start, I want to lose at least 2 stone that’s the goal, I’m hoping I can do it if I can find the right balance.