As 2022 hits something dawned on me, I’m 40 this year, and I’ve been thing about my life and what the second half (if I live that long) will be like, there are many big age celebrations but 40 to me is the first one that I feel old with, but how am I feeling about all this? Well, I thought I’d write it down.
Big numbers are big birthdays
I get for many, the big birthday of that age group is a big deal, and for me, I’m just focusing on 40 because I am 40, and your not wrong but as I said earlier 40 to me is that first big age that I think, I am actually getting a little old, and I have to start thinking of the second part of my life. The kids are getting older and based on statistics my health will decrease each year, my mind forgets more and more of my younger days and il starting about what am I doing?
I notice it more so with the kids, I look at Roo, she’s nearly 16 and I’m nearly 40, and I think when I was young and I was 16 my parents felt old, adults mature etc… and I think in reality I’m their age now when I was ironically 16. It’s weird but it is a very unsettling feeling, I think wow how time has gone and I think about how long I will be around, I’m not great with death, and there will be a blog post coming up about it, and I my age and death age has been on mind since a teenager..I know weird.
I overthink a lot
I’m that person who overthinks a lot, there are some good things to it with work and planning etc. but not being able to switch off your brain essentially, means that I think about a lot of things, and look at health over the next several years I think what will happen? what will I get? I’ve relatively been lucky over the first half of my life, with the exception of the recent broken toe but this obviously plays on my mind.
With work I recently choose to be more of a part-time dad, spending most of my adult life so far in full-time work and being a manager, with my family life taking a little bit of a back seat, but with the change over the last couple of years I’ve spent more time with them.
However there is always that nagging professional side of me, I was a successful manager, highly qualified, I won awards and did everything that retail managers and higher up levels could do, and I was on a path, and that hangs in my mind. I look a the next half of my life, am I happy just hanging out doing a part-time, easy job, nothing that remotely pushes me?
What have I achieved?
Have I achieved what I wanted to by 40? probably not, am I happy with my life? mixed, my kids and family is the best thing about my life and everything that has happened good and bad to accomplish that is ultimately worth it, and I can question or really take it back because I’m so happy with my family.
Like most humans you will always strive for something else or at least want something different etc, whether it be a car, house holidays, money whatever, and in reality known is truly honest if they haven’t actually thought that. I’m not taking away from them or myself that there happy with various parts of my other lives, but it may not be regret, but it will certainly wish they had this or that or done whatever, that’s just life.
But 40 is a weird time for me, it has been making me think a lot, I had planned by 40, I had plans to celebrate our 40th, I’m already thing about what the next part of our lives will be like with kids moving on, housing to sort out, holidays, adventures, retirement? cars whatever the next half of my life will create.
Hopefully,I will be alive to see my kids grow up and succeed in what they want to do, as for me this is all I’m bothered about for the rest of my life if we can sprinkle some good times for me then great, but being around my family is all I want in life and this is what I will be looking too.